The Election So Far: An A To Z Guide

by Joe Lavin

A is for Alaska, no longer a forgotten state.

B is for the Bridge to Nowhere, which used to go to the 21st Century until it was diverted.

C is for change. Of what exactly, we're not entirely sure, but we know we like it.

D is for diner, a popular establishment in which crying is encouraged. Also, try their Belgian Waffle special.

E is for earmark, what we'll all give to McCain if we have to hear about them one more time.

F
is for the fundamentals of our economy, the strength of which you may
not have noticed while trying to fill your gas tank. Luckily, both
campaigns agree that the fundamentals of our economy are at least
fundamental.

G is for game changer. Ninety seconds after an event, it is always important to ask yourself if that event is a game changer.

H is for hope, Barack Obama's hope that the hockey moms don't beat up all the soccer moms, thus costing him the election.

I is for insider, now the dirtiest word in politics.

J is for Joe Six-Pack, who was probably watching the game rather than the debate.

K
is for kitchen table, where late at night the most enlightened
conversations are taking place. Well, not at mine, but apparently at
everyone else's.

L is for lipstick, good for people or pigs, but not pit bulls.

M is for maverick, a word not mentioned this much on TV since the days of James Garner.

N is for the New York Stock Exchange. Thank God we have an election to distract us from all the depressing issues.

O is for oversight, which would be much more useful if it weren't so easily confused with hindsight.

P is for patriotism, alternately defined as “rich people paying more taxes” or “getting government off our backs.”

Q is for question, which it is no longer necessary to answer in a debate.

R is for regulation which so many were against before they were for it.

S is for street, of which the only ones that apparently matter are Main and Wall.

T is for the tingling feeling that'll go up your leg when this election is finally over.

U is for unfiltered, a popular synonym for “no follow-up questions.”

V is for Vladimir Putin, currently in a boat off the coast of Alaska, just waiting to pounce.

W is for W embedded in the White House.

X is for Ex-President, which he soon will be.

Y is for YouTube, the perfect place for all your slandering campaign needs.

Z
is for zero, the number of times in the next three weeks you'll want to
turn on your television for fear of seeing yet another campaign
commercial.

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