by Joe Lavin
1. Call up a
rival campaign for a ride to the polls. While you're chauffeured to the
polls, that's one less person who can vote for the other side, giving
you a net gain of two votes. As a bonus, see if they'll swing by the
supermarket for you too.
2. Now that the Republican race is
almost decided, convince a Republican to vote “strategically” in the
Democratic Primary. I know one Republican who voted for Obama simply
because he couldn't stand Hillary Clinton. I'm sure there are other
people who can't stand Obama. With enough hard work, you can make this
strategy work for your candidate.
3. Call up the Huckabee
campaign and say that you're Jean-Claude Van Damme, and that you would
just like to help out the campaign in any way you can.
signing up for campaign events, always put down the phone number of a
rival campaign. Later, when they try to call you for money, they will
instead reach their competitor's office, thus promoting party unity.
5. Tell everyone that you're a super delegate, just to see if you can get any free swag.