Today’s Wrong Number Transcript

by Paul Davidson

Me: “Hello?”
Them: “Hey, is Hector around?”
Me: “This is Hector.”
Them: “This doesn’t sound like Hector.”
Me: [With bad Mexican accent that sounds German] “Hallo, dis is Hector.”
Them: “C’mon, put on Hector!”
Me: “Ok, sorry. One sec.”
Them: “Thanks.”
Me: “Heyyyyyy!”
Them: “Hector, is that you?”
Me: “Yeah. Who’s this?”
Them: “This isn’t Hector.”
Me: “Look, this is Hector. I’m hanging up if you don’t tell me who this is.”
Them: “It’s Dough Boy.”
Me: “Dough Boy?”
Dough-Boy: “Yeah, man. Are you coming tonight?”
Me: “You really let people call you Dough Boy?”
Dough-Boy: “I called the wrong number, eh?”
Me:
“Dough Boy, really? I mean, doesn’t that sort of make you feel
self-conscious when people have given you a nickname based on a fat,
bloated white sentient piece of dough?”

[Click.]

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