The Three Worst Jobs I’ve Ever Had, and How Godzilla Would Have Handled Them Differently

by Adam Finley
 
Hardee’s
Summer 1995

 
Manager: “Adam, you forgot to take the fries out again. Now let’s go up front where I can yell at you in front of everybody.”
Me: “Okay, sorry.”
Manager: “Godzilla, I shouldn’t have to keep telling you to refill the coffee pots, right?”
Godzilla: “RAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!” [Refills coffee pot half way]

***

Pella Movie Theater
1997

 
Manager: “I’m not against homosexuals, they just need to be given their own island on the moon where they won’t bother white people.”
Me: “I have to go now.”
Manager: “I mean, gays have been known to attack and eat entire families. This goes far beyond personal choice.”
Godzilla: “RAARGHH???” [Waits until manager’s back is turned, then throws a piece of lint into the popcorn popper]

***

Ottumwa Courier Newspaper
1999

 
Editor: “Adam, we’ve decided to let you go. You seem to have trouble adjusting to my complete and utter incompetence as an editor.”
Me: “I blame no one but myself.”
Editor: “Godzilla, it’s not working out, so it’s best we had a parting of ways.”
Godzilla: “RAARGH.” [Leaves building, but doesn’t clock out].

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